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Draxar
draxar
05 April 2008 @ 11:25 pm
Waa waa waa waa waa .... okay, I'm done.  
It makes me feel guilty to say this, but the reason why I'm going to be finishing off my Graphic Design course is because it's more convienient to do so than not.

Over the last week or so, I've been seriously considering just going "Fuck it, I've had enough of the course, my drive for getting stuff done on it is negligible, I'm not enjoying it, I'm not going to produce a good final project at the end of it, my final degree classification or lack thereof isn't important to me, and I want to move somewhere where I can build up some kind of social life" All good reasons to call it a day.

(For any who aren't aware of why I'm having issues with the course, it's something of an 'everything all at once' issue – I've lost the second of my parents last year, had a fair bit of distraction from sorting out solicitor/selling the family home stuff, moved to living alone in a new city where I know few people after having spent half a decade living in with the same group of close friends, hit the third year of my course (meaning it's pretty tough) and my sixth consecutive year in university (which, despite people occasionally asking me if I'm going to do another course and be an eternal student has left me feeling "I've had enough of university"))

And part of me would dearly like to leave it – get some seperation from the course, be doing something else, whatever, and just not be being hasseled over something I no longer care about.

But this is one of those situations where cold, hard practicality beats the emotional 'get out' response. Because at the moment I have accommodation sorted out, and said accommodation is based around me being a student, and is in Plymouth. And at the moment I've got financial support based on me being a student. There'd be issues with both if I wanted to quit the course and get a job, be it in Plymouth, Exeter or London.

Plus, getting a job would be difficult – in London I lack accommodation until a few months time, and in Exeter or Plymouth, there'd be the issue that any job would be very short term. Sure I could look to stay in either for the longer term, but I've already sorted out London accommodation, and it's looking increasingly likely that a fair proportion of the people in Exeter that make Exeter/Devon a place I like to be will be moving away from it.

Thus, regardless of whether I get much work done or whether its any good, it makes more sense for me to stay on the course. I know I suck for complaining about the fact that I'm having to stay on a course because I'm getting money while I'm on it, and that I'm rather defeating the reasons why that financial support is there, but there is a feeling of being somewhat trapped by 'what makes good sense', as opposed to what I want to do. Plus I think I'm also feeling guilty about staying in university on 'false pretenses' – being on the course while not caring about it and not caring about the work.

The fact that I've been feeling various types of crappy since Maelstrom probably hasn't helped either. Better than I was, but still somewhat achey, and still rather lacking in appetite.

Sorry for inflicting my mewling on you, everyone, but sometimes you just need to vent, and that's what LJ is for.
 
 
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Doctor Who confidential.
 
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Ian Sturrock[info]serpentstar on April 5th, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
Sometimes you just have to get through -- at least you have an end in sight. Presumably you only have another month or two to endure, anyway. Good luck with it -- I reckon you'll like living in London, once you move there.
Draxar: me tricorn[info]draxar on April 5th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)
Yeah. Final deadline for the major project is the end of May, and while we may in theory be on the course after that, in practise we're not. And I think the flat becomes available to me about a couple of weeks after that, so that's when I'll start shifting. Though I may well still spend some time in Plymouth, especially if the Exalted game I'm in is still running...

I think I'll like London too – it'll be nice to be somewhere that busy and with that much going on, and I've got quite a few gamers I know up there, plus a bunch of semi-anarchistic types I've been wanting to get involved with for a while. So it should be good.

I'll probably still miss the shared house thing of being able to go and at bug someone at any reasonable hour and many unreasonable ones, just because you feel like a conversation, but I should be getting involved in enough different stuff, and actually having a social life, which'll make up for it.
Ian Sturrock[info]serpentstar on April 5th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that all sounds manageable, time-wise.

You should check out the Horse Hospital when you get to London, if you like semi-anarchistic types:

http://www.thehorsehospital.com/
Draxar: More things to say[info]draxar on April 5th, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
Heh, that looks quite cool, I'll look them up.

The group I've been getting interested in through their forum and other stuff are the Space Hijackers

Time-wise, yeah, it's doable. If I could turn back time then I'd be tempted to have not extended the lease on the current occupiers, as it would've then ended a couple of weeks or so ago. But a couple of months of uni I can do, and I will actually try and get some work done, though I'm not that convinced as to how good it'll be.

The 'getting involved with stuff in London' and getting to know people there also cements one of the thoughts that I'd been having, which is that when I get to London I'm going to be looking for a 'normal' job – office or shop work, or whatever (and/or AQA if they're hiring again by then), as that'll leave me with the time to do other stuff, it'll get me used to the 9 to 5 grind, it'll give me a break from the big long running "OMGsoimportant" university stuff, and it'll give me time to get all of the probate and inheritance stuff finally done and dusted.

Should a graphics job run up to me and slap me in the face I certainly won't ignore it, but it's not what I'm going to be initially looking for.
Восторг и удивление[info]fiona_stockwell on April 6th, 2008 01:21 am (UTC)
Stand firm!
velvetiertrout: Wii-chuks[info]velvetiertrout on April 6th, 2008 01:57 am (UTC)
You don't suck mate. Whatever you do your friends will stand by you and sorry for not being able to offer any sound advice, having never been to University, although I have been in a similar situation to yourself. And as much as academia is great you need a social life too.

I hope you feel happier soon and you know if you ever need someone to vent at you can just give us a nudge.
Dainul[info]dainul on April 6th, 2008 05:22 am (UTC)
Other than the 'you're nearly done' argument, I'd say the best reason for staying is the 'why didn't you finish' one. You've spent nearly three years on this, and any potential employer will quite likely look askance on that if you don't follow it through.

That said, I do know what you mean. We'll get there.
Miss Freddie: oots - vengeance[info]freddiefraggles on April 6th, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
I agree with Colin here, the last thing you want to do in interviews is have to answer the "So why didn't you finish the graphic design course?" question with "Personal reasons." Because they probably won't hire you after that.
Draxar: large posteriors[info]draxar on April 6th, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Possibly. Though if I end up with a 'U' degree or similar after finishing, the difference is not neccessarily all that big. Also, apparently I get some sort of qualification for having done 2 years of the course, so I can always put that down rather than "BA in graphic design"

The main reason I disagree with that particular point is that from everything I've heard, in graphic design it's more what you've done, what you've got in your portfoliom than what mark or qualifications you had – apparently when he was interviewed for running the course was the first time our course head got asked about what degree he'd got.

Yes, it will be of some relevancy in jobs that related to design but aren't "Design design design", but I honestly don't see the "Because employers will ask about it" as being something that will cause me real problems later on.

Still going to see it to the end though.
min_t[info]min_t on April 6th, 2008 12:11 pm (UTC)
Hold on in there!
Heya there, random post from someone that you hardly know but you did add me as a friend! ; )

My advise would be to hold in thier and finish the course, it does help when it comes to employment to have it on there, it almost certainly will add 10 - 15% onto what you can command as a salary for a job, as it shows that you have a certain level of ED. Even if you don't think that you are going to do it any justice think of the time, energy and money that you have put into it. The only proviso might be to see if you can 'bag' the credits and possibly pick it up and finish it at some other point? Worth Asking.

I only say this as I recently backed out of Post Grad Cert recently and at the time I didn't think that I was going to be able to do it, I regret not at least finishing off the first year now, even if I had handed the work in and it was a pass or even a fail and a re-do.

In regards to location (again in the same boat, different circumstances)people keep telling me to work out what is most imporant, social network/community, job security, relationship, plus the practical 'can I afford this' considerations. Although prioritisation is easier said than done.

Hope that helps and you don't just think 'ehh? strange person!' and Rant away, as you say its what LJs for ;) Hope things get better for you.
Draxar: 'sup gandalf[info]draxar on April 6th, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC)
Re: Hold on in there!
It helps, thanks.

There is the simple fact that it's just two months, and on that basis I might as well stick with it. As I've said above I'm somewhat so-so on the "what will employers think" argument, but the other arguments are what's keeping me in.

And to be honest, this post isn't about "I need reasons to stay on the course" – I've got the reasons to stay on the course, I just felt the need to vent about the fact that despite good reasons to stay, part of me would dearly like to go.
Dave[info]davidnm on April 6th, 2008 03:21 pm (UTC)
Oh dear. I hadn't realised things had been that bad for you; I'm sorry to hear that and I hope things get better.

For what it's worth, though, I think overall you're in quite a good position. You've got somewhere to go once the course is finished, so at least you can sidestep the worst of the usual 'where am I going what am I doing?!?' post-graduation stuff. And with a base in London, that'll make job-hunting a lot easier.

In yr 3 at Exeter, though I didn't say anything about it, I did seriously debate quitting at one point. The course wasn't well-taught, didn't really cover that much that interested me and I could see the momentum was toward a mediocre degree result. I'm glad I didn't, though, because if I had quit I'd have shot myself in the foot even worse then I actually did. (Seeing it through was possibly the one smart decision I made in those three years.) I'd say you might as well at least get the piece of paper out of Plymouth, cos there's no harm in having it at least. And that's my £0.02 worth.
Draxar: boom boom boom[info]draxar on April 6th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
Oh I'm defintely in a good position; part of the issue is that I feel guilty for 'crying in the sunshine' (i.e. being unhappy in a good situation, rather than happy in a bad one).

I'm going to stuck with Plymouth, it just feels slightly wrong to do so – given that the course is coursework based and I have no drive to get much done on said coursework, it's rather questionable whether I'll actually walk out with that piece of paper (though I'm told having completed 2 years of the course means I get a lesser piece of paper anyway., in a 'lets see your portfolio' industry the paper is worth less, and for getting non-design jobs, I've already got a degree.

As an example, my dissertation deadline is coming up fast, and I've done very little on it. I could probably bash out something vaugely resembling one, that's overshort, too many long quotes, and poorly researched, but given the mark that'd likely get me, it seems a waste of both my time and the markers.

I suppose part of the issue is that I'm essentially having to lie to my tutors – they've suggested the option of putting an interrupt or just giving up the course, and part of me would like to be able to go "Look, I just want to be on the course for forms sake for the next couple of months, ignore my lack of presence". And, minus the telling them I could probably do that – just not turn up for anything. But it feels wrong to do so.

Possibly this is a reaction to the holidays, and if I can throw myself into at least trying to work on the final piece, then I may be able to get at least some stuff done on it.
erekosee[info]erekosee on April 6th, 2008 03:43 pm (UTC)
if you need help give me a shout
Hi Draxar, I didn't know that you was passing such awful time. After my break up with my partner I decided to do something crazy, and I am moving in spain to try to work there.

But! Before I'll go there, I could help you for the next month during the week for focus on your design skills, I am a web designer, and I work a lot as grapchi designer and code desginer for web pages, so maybe I could give an hint or two that could be helpful for your future career.

Tonight when we will meet to Ross let's arragen something in the week, maybe at a pub so we can talk, and I can show you some good book with good ideas about comunications ;)

let me know!